This week was hard, simply put. Earlier in the week I likened my life since coming to Durham to a "honeymoon stage" of anything new... the excitement of a new place has started to slow down, and the reality of my situation of being in grad school is becoming more and more real. It's funny, because we only had three days of class this week, but it felt so long. I think that in the last six days I have felt every emotion known to man kind. Someone told me once that it's okay to "feel" things because God made us all different and gave us all the ability to feel things in a personal way. That's a great thought, but it doesn't always lead to good things. I had an interesting experience this week with seeing a different side of people that I haven't seen in a long time. I'm pausing right here, trying to think of how to even explain what I experienced. All I can say is that certain things in my life reinforce that nothing apart from God makes sense to me. Although my journey with God isn't always straight and steady, I know that I would be nothing without Him and my life would not make any sense. I saw a small, minute, insignificant glimpse of how God must feel when He looks down on His beloved people, seeing how far we measure up, on our own, to His desire for us. I saw how much God has saved me from and how much I need to thank Him for revealing to me the truth of who HE is and who I AM in Him.
After the "darker"period of this week, I can see SO MANY ways that the Lord has encouraged my heart this week. I went to a baseball game with some extraordinary friends and enjoyed my time getting to know them better! Nothing is sweeter than conversations with new friends! I am still speechless at the Lord's provision of fellow believers in my new setting. Ha, and I was worried that God wouldn't know what I need! How quickly I doubt the Lord's faithfulness. He always knows what I need, and when I need it!
Have you ever had a dream, felt God directing you towards it, and in the midst of it felt like you couldn't measure up? Well, that's where I was this week. Whether it was my own lack of confidence, or Satan trying to take my eyes off the Lord, I was fearful this week that I didn't have what it took to make it here. This might sound ridiculous, being only the second week of class, but numerous times whether studying or in class and labs, I felt so inadequate to be here. Inadequacy is not a new thing for me to struggle with, but I began to fear that I had misinterpreted God's plan for this season of life... and that's a scary thing. Things have gotten better, through amazing study groups, and encouragement in other forms, but I suppose I just need to keep telling myself that God put this desire in my heart and He will give me the ability to make it if I remain in Him. Why am I here... to learn the skills to make me a christian who just happens to be a physical therapist (that's what Mark Brown used to say at our Campus Crusade meetings...)
The new church I went to today rocked my socks off... they have such an amazing passion for God and His word that was shown in new and exciting ways. We sang a song called REVELATION SONG and the chorus goes,
"Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You"
Aren't these words just incredible! It's neat to think that I join with creation and all mankind to sing praises to the Lord!! It was eye opening to experience the service at this church today... I enjoy seeing God in a new light!Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You"
That's all I have for now.. God is faithful... in good times and bad! This week should hold some great things (especially my SISTER coming to Durham to visit me!)
Until next time...
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