overwhelmed-- but with a purpose

Hi! It's the end of week, well, THREE of graduate school... it feels like a lot longer. Meg, my sister, is here for the week, and it's been so fun to have both my sister and a roommate in the apartment. Oh, how I miss the days where we would drive to high school together, spend our friday nights together at football games (yes, we were in the band) and have hours and hours of fun together. Now, all we get is small amounts of time, that never quite seem to be enough. It's a blessing to have here out here though, even for only a short time... I have thoroughly enjoyed showing off my baby sister to my new grad school friends!

This week was tough. It had lots of great things happen, and it did go quickly in one sense, but there are certain times each and every day where I question what I'm doing here. Every one of my classmates is wise and knowledgeable; I feel like they can recall SO MUCH information that they've learned in undergrad or at job experiences. I have such a hard time remembering THIS information, let alone information from a class three years ago. Today was encouraging though. We had a guest speaker come and talk with us about physical disabilities and how it will relate to our careers. She was a woman who had a spinal cord injury during high school and is now wheel chair bound. She was greatly involved with physical therapy after her accident, and was talking about the profound impact that physical therapists had on her life. I felt the emotion well up inside of me. THAT IS WHY I WANT TO BE A PHYSICAL THERAPIST. I know that everyone at the interview says, "i want to be a physical therapist because of the people..." but it's genuinely true. What better is there to do in life than to get involved in people's lives and bring them hope in often times hopeless situations. I felt God encourage my heart through the woman in class today. I may not be the smartest girl in the DUKE DPT program, but I have a God who will equip me with all the wisdom and ability that I need to fit into His plan for me. Someone once said that as Christians we often ask, "What is God's will for my life..." when we should be asking our Heavenly Father, "God, how do I fit into YOUR plan for the world..." See the difference? It's all in perspective. It's only week three... the light isn't even VISIBLE at the end of the tunnel, but I know I just have to keep asking God how I fit into His plan... how I can most bring Him glory (and trust that He'll DO IT through me!)

I'm off... a little Indian restaurant is calling my name! Ciao!

Holy~Holy~Holy

What a week! I've been meaning to write on my blog for a few days now. Each night I have walked into my apartment thinking, I need to write today... and of course I never make time to do it. I've been studying all weekend, and I figure it's okay to take a minute and process life. Americans are always so busy, we don't take time to stop and think. So here goes....
This week was hard, simply put. Earlier in the week I likened my life since coming to Durham to a "honeymoon stage" of anything new... the excitement of a new place has started to slow down, and the reality of my situation of being in grad school is becoming more and more real. It's funny, because we only had three days of class this week, but it felt so long. I think that in the last six days I have felt every emotion known to man kind. Someone told me once that it's okay to "feel" things because God made us all different and gave us all the ability to feel things in a personal way. That's a great thought, but it doesn't always lead to good things. I had an interesting experience this week with seeing a different side of people that I haven't seen in a long time. I'm pausing right here, trying to think of how to even explain what I experienced. All I can say is that certain things in my life reinforce that nothing apart from God makes sense to me. Although my journey with God isn't always straight and steady, I know that I would be nothing without Him and my life would not make any sense. I saw a small, minute, insignificant glimpse of how God must feel when He looks down on His beloved people, seeing how far we measure up, on our own, to His desire for us. I saw how much God has saved me from and how much I need to thank Him for revealing to me the truth of who HE is and who I AM in Him.
After the "darker"period of this week, I can see SO MANY ways that the Lord has encouraged my heart this week. I went to a baseball game with some extraordinary friends and enjoyed my time getting to know them better! Nothing is sweeter than conversations with new friends! I am still speechless at the Lord's provision of fellow believers in my new setting. Ha, and I was worried that God wouldn't know what I need! How quickly I doubt the Lord's faithfulness. He always knows what I need, and when I need it!
Have you ever had a dream, felt God directing you towards it, and in the midst of it felt like you couldn't measure up? Well, that's where I was this week. Whether it was my own lack of confidence, or Satan trying to take my eyes off the Lord, I was fearful this week that I didn't have what it took to make it here. This might sound ridiculous, being only the second week of class, but numerous times whether studying or in class and labs, I felt so inadequate to be here. Inadequacy is not a new thing for me to struggle with, but I began to fear that I had misinterpreted God's plan for this season of life... and that's a scary thing. Things have gotten better, through amazing study groups, and encouragement in other forms, but I suppose I just need to keep telling myself that God put this desire in my heart and He will give me the ability to make it if I remain in Him. Why am I here... to learn the skills to make me a christian who just happens to be a physical therapist (that's what Mark Brown used to say at our Campus Crusade meetings...)
The new church I went to today rocked my socks off... they have such an amazing passion for God and His word that was shown in new and exciting ways. We sang a song called REVELATION SONG and the chorus goes,

"Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You"

Aren't these words just incredible! It's neat to think that I join with creation and all mankind to sing praises to the Lord!! It was eye opening to experience the service at this church today... I enjoy seeing God in a new light!
That's all I have for now.. God is faithful... in good times and bad! This week should hold some great things (especially my SISTER coming to Durham to visit me!)

Until next time...

New faces, new places

It has been a few weeks since I last took time to write my thoughts. Quite a bit has changed. My location is different from the two previous entries. I am writing from my new apartment in Durham, North Carolina. Being outside of OHIO for the first time, it's exciting to have had to learn a new part of the country (although not extremely far from what I know) The biggest difference between home and Durham is the amount of shopping areas. At church last week the pastor said that Durham, or north carolina in general, is the area of the country with the most credit card debt... i can believe that. You don't have to drive very far to find ANY kind of store that you need. There are more SUPER TARGETs near me than I can count on one hand. But things are great down here. My mom asked me last night if I felt like Duke was the right place for me. It is funny to think back to where I was a year ago, completely without a clue about where God would lead me. I can still remember a friend saying how HARD it was to get into Duke, and after that I almost wrote it off of my list, thinking there would be no way I could get in. Boy, am I glad to be here though. The fifty-one new friends that I have made are extremely incredible. It is hard to believe I have only known them for a little more than three weeks. There are so many different personalities, lifestyles, and interests, but we all mesh together really well.

Classes started last week and that was quite a challenge. The information is great though; for the first time in a long time I can see true significance in the material that I'm learning. Don't get me wrong, I am sure there is a place for knowledge on Organic Chemistry and Physics, but the material that we're learning is PRACTICAL for physical therapists, and that is really cool! My professors are amazing. They have such passion for their jobs and I truly feel like they have an investment in each of us. That is VERY cool!

Church hunting has been a lot of fun. North Carolina has a plethora of phenomenal churches. One I went to last week was HUGE and inside of a high school. The choir was close to a gospel choir and it blew me away! This past Sunday some new friends and I went to a church called Chapel Hill Bible Church. It was so refreshing, because it reminded me a lot of my church back home. I found a piece of paper inside my Bible while at that church-- it was a prayer I had written back in Oxford towards the end of last year, praying for the new church I'd find down here. It was cool to see that God cares about everything I ask Him in prayer.

I've noticed that with the crazy schedule I've been on down here, it's easier to go through a day without even saying "Hello" to God. It's bothersome and something I am going to have to be aware of daily. I just reread the entry I had written about Mexico. It's sad how quickly the passions God gives us can be swept away by the busyness of this life. I am trying to figure out how to bring God into my school work and my studies down here, and I know it's going to be more of a challenge than it was at Miami. I miss having Crusade-- the worship team, my amazing Bible study, discipleship times. It is great though, that now I have the chance to trust in the Lord with all my heart... without the "stuff" that can sometimes consume our faith standing in the way. All I know is that I need to hold onto the Lord, trusting in His faithfulness to guide me and keep me close to Him!

God is good, all the time! I pray that YOU know this today!